Re: [jokes] Photographic Truths (to lighten up by) (fwd)

Brian Ellis (beellis@gte.net)
Mon, 01 Jun 1998 22:35:04 -0400

This list of photographic truths was originally promulgated by Ted Orland, one of
Ansel Adams' former assistants, in a book he wrote many years ago, tthe name of
which now escapes me. He's a very funny guy. His humorous photographs are some of
the best I've seen. If you've ever seen the wonderful photograph in which a nude
woman is photographing a clothed male, that is one of Ted's. Thanks for sharing
the truths. Brian

Wayde Allen wrote:

> Figured we'd try to resolve the claim that humor is no longer acceptible
> on the list.
>
> - Wayde
> (wallen@boulder.nist.gov)
>
> ---------- Forwarded message from Photoforum List ----------
>
> 25 PHOTOGRAPHIC TRUTHS
> >
> >1. The best scenic views are clearly designated by highway signs reading NO
> >STOPPING ANYTIME.
> >
> >2. Edward Steichen owned a three-legged dog, which he named Tripod.
> >
> >3. The Post Office folds all parcels containing photographs.
> >
> >4. Camera straps never fail above soft surfaces.
> >
> >5. Lens caps and cable releases can become invisible at will.
> >
> >6. Spotone bottles are designed to tip over when the cap is removed.
> >
> >7. Financial success in photography is directly related to proper choice of
> >subject matter. Falling airplanes, exploding volcanoes, and certain
> >Presidential motorcades work best.
> >
> >8. No two light meters agree.
> >
> >9. The word "Daguerreotype" cannot be spelled correctly.
> >
> >10. A new Hasselblad would take better pictures than your present camera.
> >
> >11. 1/60 at f/8 is the correct exposure for all photographs.
> >
> >12.When your friends finally realize that you are a true artist, committed to
> >making sensitive and meaningful images, they will ask you to photograph their
> >wedding.
> >
> >13. Color slide viewing cures insomnia.
> >
> >14. On any tripod, only two legs work properly.
> >
> >15. Dust spot are attracted to sky areas.
> >
> >16. YES, PHOTOGRAPHERS DO IT IN THE DARK... but they have to stop every
> >thirty seconds to agitate.
> >
> >17. There's nothing wrong with a 35mm that a 4x5 can't cure.
> >
> >18. Ansel Adams has three Secret Zones known only to him.
> >
> >20. Fast films compensate for slow photographers.
> >
> >21. Mounting a photograph is a misdemeanor in Arkansas.
> >
> >22. Owning more than one lens assures that you will always have the wrong
> >lens on the camera for any given picture.
> >
> >23. A camera store will charge $75 to repair a camera that has been adjusted
> >with a butter knife.
> >
> >24. Falling lenses are attracted to rocks.
> >
> >25. Into every life a little grain must fall.
>
> Palma Allen
> http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/pallen_4